It was the week of the big blow-out: Neil LaBute’s Fat Pig proved size was a big tissue, the television series Super-sizers revealed two presenters, Giles Coren and Sue Perkins, eating for England down the ages until they were sick, and big Jodie from Blackpool (says she’s size 14; make that an 18) won the role of Nancy in Oliver! despite the fact that neither Cameron Mackintosh the producer, nor Andrew Lloyd Webber, the theatre owner, wanted her to.

Will Jodie manage eight shows a week? Will she do anything at all surprising as Nancy? Will director Rupert Goold be thrilled that she’s won the role ahead of my favourites, Rachel and Niamh, not to mention Jessie who came on strong towards the end?

I guess the answer is no to all three questions. One thing’s for certain: it’s the time of the big girl in the West End at the moment, what with Leanne Jones in Hairspray, the wonderful Ella Smith in Fat Pig and next up Jodie in Oliver!

On top of which fatty food for thought I had lunch in Joe Allen with an old friend and scoffed Eggs Benedict and hash browns just to keep Sir Derek Jacobi company; he was doing exactly the same at the next table but arose and made his exit with his customary grace and agility. Mind you, he did have broccoli on the side. I had extra fries and chocolate dessert.

Incidentally, there’s a rumour going around that Eggs Benedict are about to be re-christened Eggs “David” Benedict in honour of the Variety theatre critic who is such a stalwart post-show diner in Joe’s these days.

But David keeps his figure. Or put it this way, he keeps his figure hidden. He has excellent posture, which can disguise a multitude of bulges if you’re also fairly tall, as he is.

Three of his colleagues have owned up to incipient, if not full-blown, obesity in their Fat Pig pronouncements — Charles Spencer, Ian Shuttleworth and Mark Shenton. But they all seem cheerful and I never see any of them in Joe Allen’s.  When and where do they get all that eating done? 

Seeing Derek Jacobi keeping as trim as ever, despite the lunchtime carbs, suddenly floored me. He’ll be seventy this year but he still looks like a fresh-faced sixth-former. All this brooding on weightiness was getting me down. Time for a three day detox and extended run over Primrose Hill and around Regent’s Park.

And what do I find this Sunday in the park without gorge? Huge scale preparations in full swing for today’s Green Fair, with stands populated by wan-looking Camden Town hippies advising you how to build a house out of recycled tin cans, a grim Mexican bean and falafel stall, energy saving devices that look good for nothing apart, I presume, for saving energy, a croissant neuf stand and an organic icecream van (I wanted to stop and order up a tub of lime sorbet, but kept on jogging).

And all this stuff had been trundled into the park by cars and lorries that had clogged up the paths not to mention the air waves with their fuel emissions and power generators.

So I kept on going, secretly wishing I was back in Joe Allen’s with the happy eaters. Still, my scoffing will be scaled down and second-hand for a couple of weeks. My pencil-thin superstar son Tom Coveney has produced and directed a couple of the BBC 2 Supersize programmes set in the Elizabethan age and the 1970s.

So I shall take vicarious pleasure in Giles and Sue making themselves ill again on my behalf and look forward to the Elizabethan banquet where Professor Stanley Wells and the brilliant actress Amanda Harris meditate on food in Shakespeare and fill their buskins and bumpers.

As for the 1970s, and as an unpaid consultant on the programme, I was asked to reminisce about the food way back then: prawn cocktail, boeuf bourgignon and Black Forest gateau in Old Compton Street, chianti in raffia bottles, the delights (still constant) of the Cork and Bottle in Leicester Square…those were the days. Now excuse me while I go sip a carrot juice and nibble on a celery stick. I’m turning green (and not in a good way) just at the thought of it. 

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 1st, 2008 at 1:30 pm and is filed under Michael Coveney. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.